Chookah

Typically not a good sign...

When a conversation over lunch begins with, "Since HR isn't here..."

The interaction went something like this:

[man] "would you dance on that table and screech like a dinosaur [he illustrates by braying a horribly obnoxious sucking/screeching sound] if I gave you $100?"

[woman] "Sure."

[man] "Would you bite the head off of a scorpion for $10,000?"

[woman] "Only if the stinger were removed."

[man] Adds qualifier, "You have to hold the claws out like this [stretches imaginary scorpions claws out into a horizontal line] and gnaw that bastard's head right off."

[woman] "Now we're requiring tax free payment... Yes, I would."

[man] "Would you eat the corn out of your own shit for $1 million dollars?"

How it escalated that quickly I'm not sure but I won't finish the conversation and let you draw your own conclusions.

Quote of the Day

"I have lost friends, some by death... other through sheer inability to cross the street."

--Virginia Woolf

Quote of the day

"Typos are very important to all written form.  It gives the reader something to look for so they aren't distracted by the total lack of content in your writing."

-- Randy K. Milholland 

A Merry Christmas, Indeed

On the drive home tonight I was listening to the radio.  In between the latest song from the hottest new alternative boy band (they all sound the same) and the traffic report which is NEVER accurate I hear a bunch of commercials.

One that stood out for me was a commercial for the Shane Company.  They're famous for their low-budget sounding commercials that lure you in to thinking that they're a local company, when in fact, they are a major national chain (tricky marketing at it's finest).

The "joe on the street" starts off by complaining about his wife's overflowing jewelry box and that he needs a great gift for Christmast.  The Shane Comany stooge starts in about Tahitian pearls - a lovely gem if I do say so myself.  He mentions their luster, their brilliance, their style and then drops the price tag for a strand - a mere $3500.  I think to myself, "wow, mentioning a price tag that high is pretty gutsy," and then he starts in about the matching pieces they have and drops another price tag, "for $700 you can get the matching bracelet. She'll have a very memorable Christmas."

Drop $4200 bones on nacer-covered plastic beads? Fuck yeah it would be a memorable Christmas.

Owwww

The things that I do for you people. Sheesh.  (okay, I did it for myself, I admit)

I just edited one of the few remaining photos that I have of Sebastian and put it in the header for the blog.  He was playing in his "fort" otherwise known as a coffee table with a blanket over it.  About 45 seconds after taking this shot the inevitable BONK happened and he wound up with a bruise on his forehead.  He didn't cry, just said "owww" and continued on.

Cute picture.  Bitch to edit in Fireworks - using a laptop.  My hand is KILLING me.  No, I don't have a mouse.  Long story, don't ask.

Anyway - any comments, feedback or tips for improving my crappy photo editing skills are much appreciated.

Out, peeps.

Positive vibes

I really need this. I know that I'm not alone.

I need a news channel or website that deals with positive news.  I'm tired of all the sensationalism surrounding tragedy, death and downer news stories - especially stories that deal with children.  I cannot and will not participate in any kind of news reporting that deals with this subject.

Instead of "holiday travel woes" (a trite news story in and of itself) how about "thousands of people made it safely to their destinations, there were no plane crashes, there were no serious traffic accidents".

Instead of "powerful quake kills thousands" how about "thousands come together to help victims of a powerful earthquake...relief efforts mobilized, they need additional help and support, here's how to help..".

I know that this way of thinking doesn't sell newspapers, it doesn't get the rapid attention that a "train wreck" does.  The Daily Show takes news stories and puts a humorous spin on otherwise annoying, irritating and depressing news and this makes it easier to digest. I'm going to set up the TiVo right now to start recording episodes.

Positive news reporting is something that's lacking in our culture and it's something that I would value very much.

CNN, FOX, CBS, ABC and all the newspapers who salivate over the possibility of the next tragedy, blow.

Local Infomercial Gone Foul

I called the county utility department to check on the balance of a bill.

Standard practice: they put me on hold.

The helpful "tips and tricks" information starts playing... blah, blah - garbage service - blah, blah - golf course hours - blah, blah - snow removal and parking - blah, blah...

Then I hear, "Are skunks in your neigborhood?  Do you have a problem with skunks? Did you know that you can get a trap to capture live skunks for a deposit of only $50?  Just place the trap in an easily accessible outdoor location where food is normally available.  When you do catch a skunk simply bring the skunk and the trap to the animal control office and you will receive a refund on your $50 deposit".

What the hell?

Nip in the air

Halloween is over.  The stores have vacated all the Halloween candy, leftover costumes and glittery makeup to the clearance bins.  Bring on the motorized Santas, plastic ornaments and Martha Stewart ("you're crap cause you buy egg nog at the store instead of make it from scratch") holiday specials!

This year is the first year in 5 years that I will not be making Thanksgiving dinner.  Two years ago I made about 70% of Thanksgiving dinner while 8 1/2 months pregnant.  Contractions every 7 minutes.  I think that's the definition of insanity or nesting... whatever.

So, did I mention that I'm not going to be making Thanksgiving dinner this year?  Yeah, it's by choice.  I can make a killer turkey that you'll continue to eat for the next month but I'm not gonna do it.  Not this year. I'm hanging up my.... whaddya call it?....um... APRON!  That's the word I was looking for.

Sushi anyone? (probably get it to go since Sebastian has the attention span of a housefly and can't sit still for more than three nano-seconds).

So, what are y'all doing for Turkey day (and please don't say "prepping for Black Friday shopping")?

Tip from me to you

Before a 2 and a half hour meeting don't do the following (especially when you're presenting):

1. Quickly polish off your 20-oz latte.
2. Drink a 20-oz bottle of water during the first 30 minutes of the meeting

Star light, star bright..

have the wish I wish tonght...

On clear nights I look out off the deck, watch the planes circle for take offs and landings and I see the big dipper.

On more than one occasion I wonder to myself, "What does the big dipper hold?  Is it filled with dreams, with hope, with wishes or nothing at all but the blackness of space?".  I guess one could ponder this question forever.

Yes, I do wish on stars but I won't tell you what I wish for.  If I did, my wishes wouldn't come true.